“The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers.”
Guy Kawasaki
I really hated networking. You know what I’m talking about. You go to events where you barely know anyone and try to work the room. But it’s an occupational necessity you can’t afford to forget. While it’s easier to build a business from your clients, including asking them to refer you to others, never put all your eggs in one basket. Be prepared to do whatever it takes.
Because I hated networking, I’ve made it into a game, complete with a scorecard. Whenever I went to a networking event, I first judged the size and significance of the crowd. Are they executives who can hire lawyers? Are they in the C-Suites of major corporations? Are they at the event for social or business reasons? Are they alone or with their spouses? This information can be gleaned from the attendance list long before you arrive.
Next, I decided on the number of people I wanted to get to “know” – it might be one or two, or a dozen, depending upon the event and those attending. If there is someone specifically I wanted to meet, I would focus on them. Otherwise, I created a manageable number. Then, I tried to learn four or five personal things about each person I met that are not generally known. So their title, job responsibilities, or how long they’ve been with a company don’t count. The facts have to be personal. I also decided how long I’d play the game. Since I also enjoyed events, I didn’t devote the entire time to networking. I might network for two hours at a three-hour event and enjoy myself for the other hour. Nothing hard and fast.
Now, here’s the key. The game was not about telling anyone about me. The truth is, unless they asked, they really didn’t want to know much about me or my firm. More often than not, even when they did ask, it was simply to be polite, and my responses probably went in one ear and out the other. I learned that the first time you meet someone is the worst time to sell yourself. They get that all the time and don’t like it.
Instead, the game was to learn as much about them – on a personal level – as I could. I wanted to know where they live. If they had kids. If they liked sports. If they liked movies. If so, which team and which movie? I wanted to get them to talk as much about themselves as possible. Trust me, people like to talk about themselves far more than they like to hear about you or how you can help them. Listening means you care. Pontificating about how great you are or how significant your firm shows disrespect. Can’t think of something to ask? Here’s a trick to solve the problem. Once you figure out who you want to meet, go off to the side of the room and Google the person. More often than not, you’ll learn something to talk about. Then strike!
So ask yourself. What did you talk about the last time you tried to network? Yourself and your firm? Or did you get to know a few people on a personal level? Bragging might get you some business, but it’s not likely. Getting to really know someone will guarantee you business. Sooner or later, they’ll ask about you. That’s your opening. It might be that evening or weeks later, but don’t take that bait until you’ve learned everything about them. It’s only then that you can be sure they’re listening.
